Lessons Learned From a Million Miles and 5 Kids

It was super early and I was still waking up and maybe I was a little grumpy but seriously why was this flight attendant being so nice to me? They had way too much energy and knew way too much about me to be so in my face at 5am.

“This is a big day for you today isn’t it Mr. Roberts?”

Um. Sure?

Silence fell over the cabin as the Captain saddled up to my arm rest. A firm handshake and a few awkward moments later a Delta Executive boarded the plane and revealed the morning’s surprise.

I was presented with a pen and a note and a voucher for a roller bag. 

Congratulations Mr. Roberts! 

You’ve just passed 1 Million miles on Delta. 

Thank you for your business.

The ensuing flight ended up being far more reflective than I’d planned.

I started travelling near weekly about 11 years ago. My oldest child was 7 and I only had 3 of them back then. 11 years, and a million miles later, I have 5 kids, one of them in college, and some hard learned lessons about being a dad and raising a family while spending all of that time on the road.

I’m often asked by younger parents how to make it work. Short answer: it’s only as awful as you are. 

This may be terribly disappointing but there is no magic schedule that makes traveling easier on everyone. Two weeks gone, and a week of working from home can work. One week on the road, one week off the road can work. I tend to stick to a maximum of 3 nights gone at a stretch (usually I can keep it to a night or two) and limiting travel to a max of two weeks a month.

Tho there isn’t a magic schedule, there are things you can do to make a heavy travel schedule more manageable for everyone.

Be Consistent. If you’re going to travel heavily, try your best to make it consistent. First week of every month. Every Tue/Weds. Whatever you settle on, try and keep it consistent. That will help with communication and expectation setting. It will also let you plan trips far enough in advance that you’re not scrambling all the time, which is a recipe for a houseful of tears.

I’m in the fortunate position of having some control over my travel. One of the keys to mapping out manageable travel plan is to get the kids calendar from the school before mapping out any of my other travel for the year. I get every vacation day, school program and parent teacher conference in the calendar ad built the rest of my schedule around that. I’ve missed plenty of their school events and games and recitals over the years, but I’m at least able to communicate that to my family far in advance which seems to help with the short term disappointment of getting a trip sprung on them at the last minute.

Be Communicative. If you can’t communicate to your partner clearly and early when and where you’re going, it’s going to be rough. Communication is absolutely the only thing that will save your family with a heavy travel schedule. Want your partner to hate you? Consistently spring trips on them last minute. Want your kids to hate you? Tell them the night before a school program that you’re going to miss it. I have been that guy more times than I care to admit. But, I’m also about to celebrate my 21st wedding anniversary. Some lessons I had to learn the hard way and communication is one of them.

One tool we use to remove the mystery from travel is a shared TripIt account. A single source of truth for pending travel has removed a ton of the friction from those previously awkward “you’re going again!?!” conversations when travel is sprung last minute.

Be HERE. Your body is not missed while you are on the road, you are. So, whether you decide to take a couple days off after a week of travel or work from home the day after a long trip only to spend that time staring at your phone or answering kids questions with grunts you might as well hightail it back to the airport. Your physical presence provides no relief to a partner who’s been holding things together while you’re gone. In most cases, they were doing just fine without you. So, getting home from a business trip doesn’t mean vacation time, it means double time. The bank account has been fully depleted while you’re on the road so it’s time to start making deposits ASAP. Be a presence. Help with homework. Volunteer to run errands. Make meals. Read stories at bedtime. Rub feet.

The golden rule of traveling parents is when you’re on the road, be working. And when you’re home, be HOME (not on your phone).

Despite the million miles and all the painful lessons I’ve learned racking them up I wouldn’t trade the experiences I’ve had traveling, and at home, for anything. 

Oh, and one last thing, pick a rewards program so that you can use all of those miles flown and nights in hotels to take your family on a “free” vacation. 

They love those…