What living in different countries has taught me about life (and work)
Lately, I’ve been feeling uneasy. A sense of staleness. After some reflection, I came to the realization that 2015 and 2016 marked the first time in my life that I did not travel outside of the United States. I have promised myself that will never happen again.
Travel has been a big part of my life since I was born 30+ years ago in Mexico City. Over the next 18 years I was lucky enough to live in various corners of the world due to my father’s work (he worked in audit and risk with a big bank). We would move approximately every 3 years and by the time I had left for high school we had lived in 5 different countries on 4 different continents. Even when I went on to university, I managed to study abroad twice.
The experiences in those countries ultimately shaped who I am and how I perceive the world. Exposure to different cuisines, cultures, and languages are among my favorites pastimes and history has always been my academic passion. I thought it would be an opportune time to reflect on some of these experience as we enter a new year. In no particular order, I offer up some of the most important life lessons I have learned from my adventures abroad.
How to find a common ground with strangers
We are all, in many ways, a product of our upbringing. Growing up in big cities, I was always exposed to different cultures, races, religions, etc. Learning local customs is second nature to me. Nowadays, whether it is talking to a cab driver or a prospective customer, my first instinct is to find some snippet of information that will enable me to connect with them and their background. And to that end, I’ve found that my experiences abroad are helpful in building immediate rapport.
But the thing about rapport is that it must be genuine. So, that’s why I usually talk about the 3 things I know best: sports, food, and history.
Whether it’s naming a famous soccer legend, a popular dish from their country, or a famous event, you can see an immediate change in their face and body language. 9 times out of 10 people immediately open up and are more willing to engage with you. Beyond building a connection it shows an appreciation and respect for where they come from, which will make them more likely to help you.
Get off the beaten path
As a New Yorker, I’ve seen hordes of tourists do it all wrong. They will spend time in the most god-awful neighborhood of Manhattan, Midtown West, by gawking at advertisements in Times Square and go shopping at Macy’s in Herald Square. If they have enough time, they will travel all the way to the Financial District to the 9/11 Museum. In the meantime, they’ll miss the best shops/restaurants, unique history, and vibrant neighborhoods within Manhattan and the outer boroughs.
When I travel, I consciously avoid the tourist areas and seek out where the locals go. Usually, that involves approaching strangers people for tips and advice. The best experiences are the ones you have no expectations for. They are also typically more memorable and genuine.
Looking at my career thus far, it has not followed a textbook game plan by any means. From running around Manhattan in 2008 selling to restaurants while the world economy was in tatters, to the first hire of a startup based out of Estonia, to my current role in Austin, Texas it sure has been a windy road. There have been many highs and lows along the way and many yet to come, but rarely a dull moment along the journey so far.
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Trying and failing is better than not trying at all
Growing up in an immigrant household, I speak a combination of English and our native language, Urdu, with my family. My friends always tease me for putting on an accent when I speak to my parents but it’s a reflection of a subconscious trait I’ve developed over the years. I always try to speak in the other person’s language, whether it is speaking broken Spanish in Latin America or adjusting my cadence and pronunciation with a non-native speaker. Even in a completely new country, the first thing I try to do is learn key phrases and customs. Natives will appreciate the effort.
It’s a similar trait I’ve learned in sales. You must be able to speak to a client’s language, whether it is breaking a technical conversation into layman’s terms or on the other hand, using examples to showcase your knowledge of the space. Sometimes there are times when I simply don’t know the answer. Rather than being embarrassed, I will be candid and defer to following up with our engineering team. More often than not, it will ingratiate you in their eyes simply for trying to understand their perspective and being honest.
In our increasingly connected world, unplug often
I’ve always loved sports, but would never consider myself an outdoor person. In fact, growing up, if I was not playing sports, I was probably watching TV. The idea of being outside and just taking in a view or going for a walk was a completely foreign idea to me.
That all changed when I went to Sydney, Australia for a study abroad program at the University of New South Wales. Over the next 6 months, I traveled to various parts of the country and abroad to countries like Fiji, Bali, and New Zealand, where I was captivated by the natural beauty of the region. The silence and solitude were a welcome reprieve from the hustle and bustle I was accustomed to in New York City.
Since then, I have found myself disconnecting from technology more and more just to spend time outdoors without even thinking about it. Part of my daily ritual is to spend part of my day outside, whether it’s a morning walk/run, reading a book, or just taking a fifteen-minute break from the screen at work. Those small windows of solitude do wonders for my stress levels and provide mental clarity about some of the things that matter in life. I have found that people who enjoy the outdoors are low maintenance and are more content in the present than they are worried about the future.
Put in all in perspective
I often half-jokingly say to my friends that I’m from the 3rd world and wear it as a badge of honor.
Technically, I have never lived in Pakistan (or carry a Pakistani passport) but it’s a second home to me and also a place where a majority of extended family still resides. My home city Lahore is amongst the largest in the world with well over ten million residents. Like any major city in a developing country, it is loud, polluted, and impoverished. But at the same time there an appealing aspect of life within all of that chaos. A certain energy that you cannot replicate in the developed world. More importantly, there is that sense of belonging I feel no place else as it’s the only place where I am not among the minority.
The one thing I’ve learned about Pakistan is that family name carries a lot of weight because of our unique culture. People do not live outside of their parents’ houses usually until they are married. Social functions usually occur at people’s homes. This is a country where chai is an institution. Marriages are often arranged, although increasingly in a more modern way or ‘self-arranged’. You don’t just marry a person, you marry into a family.
Furthermore, when it comes to reputation, more often than not you are judged by the merits (or faults) of your family. Friendships between families can last generations and often I meet members of the community who can recall a story about or make a connection to one of my grandfathers. One was a UN Engineer and the other a Government Minister; they were able to achieve career success despite living through the multiple wars and the uprooting of millions of people during 1947 partition of India/Pakistan. Like my father, their jobs led them to travel extensively, and I love going through their old photos and items from the past.
My story is similar to most people I meet, in that we are afforded much more opportunity than our grandparents and parents. We take for granted commonplace aspects of our day to day lives that are considered luxuries in most parts of the world. So while I joke that I’m from the 3rd world, it’s more of a reminder to myself that I should keep my needs in check and take stock in what I already have.
Living abroad has shaped much of my life experiences and I will do it again soon. But until then, I’m looking forward to visiting new and familiar countries in 2017.
